The Joe Biden Doombot

Feb 28, 2021 • Extra Ordinary

As President Joe Biden’s inauguration approached, I was dreading the flood of speculative articles that would be churned out—the pessimistic fear-mongering articles about all the dramatic changes to our country Joe Biden will push through.

In anticipation (and in parody) of this, I decided to do the work for them. After selecting a random, insignificant tenant of society, why go to the work of speculating when and how Joe Biden will bring such a thing to an end? No need to connect the dots. Let’s just spitball ideas, one after another.

That was the Joe Biden Doombot

Once an hour, the Joe Biden Doombot would throw out the next radical, unbelievable change to our great nation.

Some of them were funny:

Joe Biden Will End Promotions
Joe Biden Will End Subtitles
Joe Biden Will End Meetings
Joe Biden Will End Zombies
Joe Biden Will End Ostriches

Some of them were a little on the nose:

Joe Biden Will End Crimes
Joe Biden Will End Premiums
Joe Biden Will End Bankruptcies
Joe Biden Will End Freedoms

Most of them were nonsense:

Joe Biden Will End Fonts
Joe Biden Will End References
Joe Biden Will End Stops

The entire Python script

import time
import tweepy
import random
from pluralizer import Pluralizer

def sign_in():

    auth = tweepy.OAuthHandler('REDACTED', 'REDACTED')
    auth.set_access_token('REDACTED', 'REDACTED')
    return tweepy.API(auth, wait_on_rate_limit = True, wait_on_rate_limit_notify = True)

def main():
    
    api = sign_in()
    pluralizer = Pluralizer()
    
    with open('List.txt') as list:
        nouns = list.read().splitlines()
    
    while(True):
        api.update_status('Joe Biden Will End ' + pluralizer.plural(random.choice(nouns)).capitalize())
        time.sleep(3600)
        
main()

Tweepy handles the Twitter API. A noun from Desi Quintans’s Great Noun List is picked at random, it’s pluralized with this simple pluralizer function and tweeted out once an hour.

Something didn’t feel quite right

The swath of negativity I was bracing for never came. The sweeping, radical executive orders he pushed through on his first week—14 of them—were welcome changes supported by most of the country. As it turns out, even a month in, everybody really likes Joe Biden.

The Joe Biden Doombot was ended. From it arose the Joe Biden Hopebot. Basically the same as before, but with its frown turned upside-down. The Joe Biden Hopebot ignores the cries from the voices we have heard all too much of. The next four years aren’t about them.

Give it a follow on Twitter: https://twitter.com/JoeBidenHopebot